Always Speak With & From Integrity
Sometimes I forget that Agreement...
I went to the laundromat today to wash one huge load of laundry...Max was asleep, I was watching the tv screen and speaking to my sister on the phone. A young girl sits on the chair diagonal to me and when the other person sat down they clenched my arm, inadvertently, with the chair. I took a deep breathe and continued to talk on the phone with my sister. The lady sighs quite audibly and very loud, as well as sarcastically, she says, "Excuse ME!" I say, "yes, these chairs are quite close together." I know what she was getting at but I was attempting to avoid any conversation or confrontation. Heck, I ignored her sitting and clenching my left arm with the chair, she should do the same and not mind that I shifted in my seat and her seat moved a bit.
She starts rambling and I tell her she needs to stop. My sister asks what's happening and all the while the lady is talking about how rude and disrespectful I am and who the "f" do I think I am and on and on. In response to my sister's question I say, "Nothing, I'm at the laundromat sitting down and then this fat ass comes and throws herself on the chair right behind me..." at this time her daughter tells me to stop disrespecting her mom. I say, sarcastically but half serious, "God bless you!" The lady says, "F you and the person you are on the phone with!"
I tell my sister and she laughs so hard she snorts. My sister then says calm down, relax ignore her and thank goodness your machine will be fixed tomorrow cause you aren't built for laundromats.
<The funny thing is I went to the laundromat on Saturday night to wash two small loads of Max's clothes, I spent about two hours there and I was able to read about 5 chapters of my book, "The Soul of Money," which I have been reading for a couple of months now and haven't really been able to finish. Prior to Saturday I had not been to a laundromat in about 4 years and I missed it. I use to love going to the laundromat, it was cathartic for me, like journaling or listening to music.>
I say bye to my sister so I can call my grandma and before I do I say I'm sorry to the lady and she says, "I don't accept your apology! Nope! Shut your ugly face." Now I'm like arg, let me relax and call grandma. I speak to her for a few minutes and she usually always makes me laugh and gives me stuff to think about. I didn't tell her what had happened cause she would worry and there was nothing to worry about.
Once I finished talking to abuelita I turn around and calmly and authentically explain to the lady that I was wrong to call her out disrespectfully and that when she sat she had in fact hurt my arm but ignored it and I was sorry for real to her and to her daughter because it was wrong of me. The daughter said she accepted the apology and then the mom said fine whatever and the fact that my arm got clenched was not her fault but management.
I told her I could not take responsibility for management but my job was to take responsibility for myself and what I did was wrong.
She then said ok and thank you.
As I was folding my clothes I kept thinking about my righteous response and how my go to emotion is often anger out of fear. My righteousness took me out of integrity. I couldn't accept it. On my way out I again expressed my remorse and my respect for her as a human, woman and mother and we both apologized for having such an out of character reaction.
The thing is in my heart it was out of character and in the action of it it was out of character but in my mind it was status quo, actually the norm. That's scary to me and I just came to that awareness with this situation. I smile and breathe deep and in my mind I want to scream. Not often but even once is once too much.
I must be more mindful and never react.
Deep breathes and ALWAYS come from integrity.
I was just sharing this because I thought about it so much. I had an aha moment in the midst of my frustration and thank the Lord and the universe that I was able to express my remorse. Words hurt as much as or sometimes even more than actions even if it is from a stranger.
I called the lady a fat ass in front of her daughter, heck I should never do that even if she is alone but in front of her daughter that is just rude and disrespectful. I became what she accused me of. I gave away my power in that moment for weakness and stupidity. That was wrong. I was wrong and righteous all at the same time. Incredible.
My Aha moment was, I work hard EVERY day to not be righteous perhaps what need to turn my efforts to is to be in harmony, present and at peace.
What are your thoughts?
Sharing is caring.
Respectfully & Sincerely yours,
Sometimes I forget that Agreement...
I went to the laundromat today to wash one huge load of laundry...Max was asleep, I was watching the tv screen and speaking to my sister on the phone. A young girl sits on the chair diagonal to me and when the other person sat down they clenched my arm, inadvertently, with the chair. I took a deep breathe and continued to talk on the phone with my sister. The lady sighs quite audibly and very loud, as well as sarcastically, she says, "Excuse ME!" I say, "yes, these chairs are quite close together." I know what she was getting at but I was attempting to avoid any conversation or confrontation. Heck, I ignored her sitting and clenching my left arm with the chair, she should do the same and not mind that I shifted in my seat and her seat moved a bit.
She starts rambling and I tell her she needs to stop. My sister asks what's happening and all the while the lady is talking about how rude and disrespectful I am and who the "f" do I think I am and on and on. In response to my sister's question I say, "Nothing, I'm at the laundromat sitting down and then this fat ass comes and throws herself on the chair right behind me..." at this time her daughter tells me to stop disrespecting her mom. I say, sarcastically but half serious, "God bless you!" The lady says, "F you and the person you are on the phone with!"
I tell my sister and she laughs so hard she snorts. My sister then says calm down, relax ignore her and thank goodness your machine will be fixed tomorrow cause you aren't built for laundromats.
<The funny thing is I went to the laundromat on Saturday night to wash two small loads of Max's clothes, I spent about two hours there and I was able to read about 5 chapters of my book, "The Soul of Money," which I have been reading for a couple of months now and haven't really been able to finish. Prior to Saturday I had not been to a laundromat in about 4 years and I missed it. I use to love going to the laundromat, it was cathartic for me, like journaling or listening to music.>
I say bye to my sister so I can call my grandma and before I do I say I'm sorry to the lady and she says, "I don't accept your apology! Nope! Shut your ugly face." Now I'm like arg, let me relax and call grandma. I speak to her for a few minutes and she usually always makes me laugh and gives me stuff to think about. I didn't tell her what had happened cause she would worry and there was nothing to worry about.
Once I finished talking to abuelita I turn around and calmly and authentically explain to the lady that I was wrong to call her out disrespectfully and that when she sat she had in fact hurt my arm but ignored it and I was sorry for real to her and to her daughter because it was wrong of me. The daughter said she accepted the apology and then the mom said fine whatever and the fact that my arm got clenched was not her fault but management.
I told her I could not take responsibility for management but my job was to take responsibility for myself and what I did was wrong.
She then said ok and thank you.
As I was folding my clothes I kept thinking about my righteous response and how my go to emotion is often anger out of fear. My righteousness took me out of integrity. I couldn't accept it. On my way out I again expressed my remorse and my respect for her as a human, woman and mother and we both apologized for having such an out of character reaction.
The thing is in my heart it was out of character and in the action of it it was out of character but in my mind it was status quo, actually the norm. That's scary to me and I just came to that awareness with this situation. I smile and breathe deep and in my mind I want to scream. Not often but even once is once too much.
I must be more mindful and never react.
Deep breathes and ALWAYS come from integrity.
I was just sharing this because I thought about it so much. I had an aha moment in the midst of my frustration and thank the Lord and the universe that I was able to express my remorse. Words hurt as much as or sometimes even more than actions even if it is from a stranger.
I called the lady a fat ass in front of her daughter, heck I should never do that even if she is alone but in front of her daughter that is just rude and disrespectful. I became what she accused me of. I gave away my power in that moment for weakness and stupidity. That was wrong. I was wrong and righteous all at the same time. Incredible.
My Aha moment was, I work hard EVERY day to not be righteous perhaps what need to turn my efforts to is to be in harmony, present and at peace.
What are your thoughts?
Sharing is caring.
Respectfully & Sincerely yours,
JeWeLs
