Saturday, July 27, 2013

The Expected and The Unexpected

Yesterday morning my sister called me to tell me our cousin had passed away.  The night before we had all been at the hospital and when I saw him I feared the worst. Well, not the worst, I feared his passing. The first weekend in July I had gone to see him and I thought he would be out soon. I thought they would run some tests, find out what was wrong and then give him the remedy to fix it.  That was twenty days ago.  Today my cousin is no longer with us in the physical world. My cousin is with all of us in spirit. He lives in our hearts.  

Today I get a call from my mother to share with me that my other cousin was killed last night.

Today, my heart can't take it.
None of it makes sense.

Truth be told I only spent time with these two guys when we were celebrating an event. In recent years we only saw each other to share in good times.  Both of these men were family men. My cousin Julio was my cousin Karlla's right hand, he was an uncle, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, a friend.  Karlla and Julio, they did everything together, always. My cousin Carlos is a father, a husband, a son, a cousin, an uncle, a friend.

My heart aches for the people in their lives, my family, who will not be graced with their presence in the day to day.

My cousin has to bury his son. I don't think there is greater sadness than having to bury your child.

My articulation skills are impaired today but I felt the need to share their passing.

Both Carlos and Julio were always the life of the occasion. They always had a smile to share, a hug to give, a good word impart.  They were always fun. There was never an occasion that I saw either of them where I didn't laugh so hard that I cackled. They were jokesters. They brought so much joy to everyone who they encountered.  Always young and spirited at heart.  They also both always told it like they perceived it. They were true to the core.

Both of you will be missed so much, by so many.

Thank you for all the joy and laughter you brought to this world with your light spirits.

Your spirits will forever shine in this world.

In love and light.
Julie Jewels

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Wrong Doing

I did something wrong today.  
It wasn't a physical act, it was a verbal one.
Words can pierce deeply; more than WHAT I say it's HOW I say it.

Today, I reacted badly and immediately wished I would have taken a deep breathe or three before reacting.

I am sorry.  I apologized already and I acknowledge it was completely inappropriate and even abusive and I am clear that Love is not abuse!   

I hurt someone I love and in turn I've hurt myself and the beautiful relationship we have had.  It was a thoughtless and irresponsible reaction due to that moment, the environment and a few other factors yet it was wrong.  
I acknowledge my wrong doing.

This isn't the first time I forget about My Favorite of the Four Agreements and it might not be the last.  What happened in this situation will NEVER happen again, this I KNOW for SURE!

The person I hurt is someone I truly LOVE, I don't only Love them, I like them. Thankfully the relationship has a strong, healthy and deep foundation. I pray for the Grace of God, they can truly forgive me as I am truly sorry.

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Saturday, July 6, 2013

It's so easy, anyone can do it!

In many places in NY there are visible, yet subliminal signs.

Signs that creep into your psyche.

I have seen and read so many signs over the years.
This sign here is one that disturbs my center.
No, not the military recruitment, although I have lots to say about that, this post is about SIMPLE DIVORCE.  If your divorce is uncontested you can pay a low rate of $399, that's it, that's all $399 American Dollars. You can get it done in two shakes of a lambs tail. It's really that easy.

If the wedded bliss is over just go get a quickie divorce.  I'm not making a judgement on folks who get divorced. Truth be told I took advantage of this Easy Peasy deal at one point in my life.  Divorce wasn't the answer for us, we went the Annulment route. Once you have your marriage annulled, it's as if it NEVER EVER happened. It's that simple, right?

Sometimes it's the healthiest option and sometimes it's the only option.  They say hindsight is 20/20 and I must tell you I still am not sure I would not have married my ex had I known things would have worked out the way they did.  I don't have the answers as to why it happened or why it didn't last but I do know now it was part of my journey and I am who I am today in part, because of it.

I was the first of all of my siblings to ever get divorced.  My eldest sister is over 50 years old and is still happily married to her tween years crush.  Most of the couples in my inner circle have been together their entire lives.  When it was Annulment time for me, I felt like a failure.  I feared the loss of the relationship would cast a shadow on the person I was. I felt inadequate. I was full of fear and even some self loathing.  Thankfully, I started the healing process immediately.

I'm comforted in having the awareness that I didn't grow up in a space where Divorce was that simple.  Folks I encountered were committed and that was all.  It was happening outside of my space and I was familiar with it and as I got older I learned more and more about it.  My situation was less complicated than many, we didn't have children. Our annulment was simple because we apparently never consummated the marriage.  I became a statistic in terms of Easy Endings.

As of late, I have been seeing the EASY DIVORCE signs in the five boroughs but mostly in locations heavily frequented by a majority of people of color.  Let's not perpetuate it. It shouldn't be that simple.  Love is love and with love comes responsibility.  Don't get married thinking it's easy to end the marriage. Think long and hard and have the difficult conversations that comes with moving forward with a partner.

So many folks have battled for the right to be married and here are folks who have this right readily available just squandering it and not respecting the sanctity of marriage.  If you aren't certain don't do it.

A few weeks ago after my morning meditation I was struck with the following thought:

There's never a reason to betray someone. There is no justification for it. If you did it, explore why you did and leave the person you betrayed alone. Apologizing by explaining the acts of being deceitful is neither integrous, nor kind, it's just a way too hook someone into your guilt. It doesn't make the other person feel good, it takes the complete burden off of you and now the victim of this disrespect is feeling hurt. No winners anywhere. Think about your actions, and thoughts even, before engaging in them. Follow the four agreements and the Sufi's not about right and wrong, it's about LOVE! It is always about LOVE!

This applies to the circumstances of many divorces, not all but many. Many of us sometimes do before thinking.  There is no thought of the consequences of our actions and many times people get hurt.  If you are married respect the boundaries created by you and your partner. Ignore those subliminal messages about how easy it is to end it and focus on the beauty of creating and building harmonious and long lasting relationships.  If you have a chance to post an ad somewhere be HUMANLY RESPONSIBLE, think LOVE!

I am Julie Jewels and I approve this message.

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