Monday, July 9, 2012

Love. Loss. Gratitude.

I've always told the people I love that my life is an open book, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't have to say it, if you know me you know this to be true. If we are connected in some way, be it in the same physical space, similar spiritual space or just by love, I will most likely share some sort of intimacy.  Intimacy by way of words or even greater, in silence.  

[Since I became a mom the openness has transitioned into a small and very intimate safe space.]

I'm very proud and grateful for the TRUE connections I've been fortunate to experience in my short 39 years.  Some connections have been so profound even in the face of simplicity, it's wonderful, they have truly transformed my life.

In one of my Red Tent circles I have found the support to always be powerful in my vulnerability. I have found the space to face my fears and expose my weaknesses without judgement, just unadulterated and compassionate LOVE.

I've realized in the past few months that my subconscious has taken it upon itself to protect me in all ways possible.  I have a sister friend who has served as not only my buddy but also my "memory keeper." She's held on to so many of my thoughts and experiences and I've easily put them away to rest.  I am so grateful for her in my life as she is greatly responsible for my emotional well being and growth.  

When Jay-Z sung about the miscarriage his wife, Beyonce, had, I really didn't know how to feel.  It wasn't until I spoke with a dear friend of mine and she shared the article she wrote about her experience that I came to terms with it. What I now believe caused the uncertainty was having had the same experience as a young woman. It's not a memory I had owned, my friend kept it for me for so many years. It's mine now. I shared it with my partner and I've shared it with my dearest sister circle. I now have to agree with, and thank, my dear sister friend, Tomika, when she extends her gratitude to Jay-Z for shining a public light on something so relevant, so common, so life & mind changing.  Something that, like Tomika says, "it's just not the sort of thing you bring up at dinner parties."

I wonder why it is that we live a society that makes something so natural and common to be something so dark that women are afraid to discuss with others.  It's not anyone's fault. It's neither bad, nor good, it's a sad experience.  When it happened to me I was too young to really encompass the reality of it. Now that I am a mother to such an amazing being I am grateful to The Lord and The Universe for keeping me in safe Grace and for allowing me experience motherhood even after not knowing and honoring my early experience.


"There's a line in Jay-Z's beautiful new song "Glory," that he dedicated to his newborn daughter, Blue Ivy, that changed the way I look at him." "As you can imagine, it's just not the sort of thing you bring up at dinner parties."

Tomika Anderson via Regarding Loss & Gratitude


About 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage On miscarriage-statistics

Spontaneous abortion (SAB), or miscarriage, is the term used for a pregnancy that ends on its own, within the first 20 weeks of gestation. 

American Pregnancy Association Info On Miscarriages

Sadly, miscarriages are a very common occurrence. Sources vary, but many estimate that approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage; and some estimates are as high as 1 in 3. If you include loss that occurs before a positive pregnancy test, some estimate that 40% of all conceptions result in loss. 

Statistics On Miscarriages

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Respectfully & Sincerely yours,


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