Friday, February 7, 2014

Going Home

At this moment it all seems so surreal to me.

Intellectually I know it was happening, it's always happening. We are all, always on our
way "home." Everyday brings us closer.  The juxtaposition of it all is perplexing and comforting.
I always remember one day in like 2004 or 2005 when mom called me while I was at work to 
tell me my grandfather had had a heart attack, it was the first time I ever had the realization that
they won't be in my physical life forever; they being my grandparents. It struck me quite deeply.
I experienced their mortality, it was a true awakening and a blessing cause it made me really
and truly be present with them when I was able to share moments with them.

We all have our own experiences with folks and we recollect them with our own perspectives.  
Me, I'm a firm believer that my loved ones live in this world with me, everyday, in spirit. Even 
though this is a real thought, a conscious awareness, I still am feeling a deep sadness for  
this transition my grandpa is experiencing. It truly is a huge loss and for it to be a huge loss it 
has to have been an enormous gain, at least that's my opinion.

The life my Abuelito had was wonderful, full of laughter, fun and tons of love.  
Yesterday was one month that we lost one of my dear, dear aunts to cancer. It feels like so 
many folks who are dear to me are transitioning. Last year was full of transitions and this year 
started with three, right off the cuff. I'm reminding myself every moment to pause, breathe, and 
be in gratitude for every experience and every moment....I forget sometimes...

My grandfather has been a very strong presence in my life. I am having a difficult time with
letting him go. I know he's going no matter what and the sorrow runs deep. The amazing part
is how my heart, although it's filled with great melancholy and a heapload of woe, my heart is
smiling because I truly relished in our time together. I pray for your comfort, abuelito. I pray for
peace and serenity in your heart. Always know how greatly loved you have always been. Thank
you for the light you brought into the world. I love you, always.

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