Thursday, May 2, 2013

I Am Many Years!

     While reading the May 2013 Oprah, I came upon an article called, Think Like a Guy, an excerpt from Gabrielle Reece's memoir, My Foot is Too Big for the Glass Slipper.  I found the entire piece to be priceless, my most favorite part was the very last paragraph that read:  "Not long ago I was at a party with a friend and I noticed a tall young woman in her early 20's slouch into the room, her arms folded across her chest.  She was very pretty, but everything about her body language conveyed self-consciousness bordering on self-loathing. "Aren't you glad you're not that young anymore?" I said to my friend, and we both laughed with genuine relief.  Being able to walk into a room in full possession of yourself, free from the tortuous insecurity that hobbles so many of us when we're young, to be free to own the grace and beauty only you possess, is the great gift of getting older."

     That was awesome!  

     I recently celebrated my 40th birthday and I can authentically say my mindfulness and spirit has never been more vibrant or in tact.  I've been looking forward to growing wiser and more grounded.  I thoroughly enjoyed life.  In it's current entirety my life has been full of 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows.  Hindsight highlights this balance for me.

     Whenever I thought about my twenties I would only see fun, passion, laughter, many tears, lots of loving, and lots of bumps and bruises.  The decade seemed full of adventure and joy.  It wasn't until a little bit prior to my 40th I conjured up several of my journals to "reminisce, learn about, explore and heal" my younger self and thank Goodness I did.  I was able to see that between 21 and 31 I subconsciously was engaged in a whole lot of "GROWING UP!"  It's nice, for me, to look back and appreciate the me I was and to have compassion for my younger self.  It's exciting to know what I was capable of and what I did in fact accomplish.  

     This moment isn't the first time I've sat down to contemplate age...Thoughts on reaching 40, being 40, just 40 also check out 30: The Age of Credibility

     This week while driving home from picking up my 11 year old at school we were talking about age and the relevance of time.  I've always thought being 12 was my most favorite of my adolescent years.  In retrospect it seems like an easy time of playing dress up and walking to school with my siblings and my mom, it was still okay to play with dolls and yet I could put on a dress and feel like I was 16 and grown. 12 was easy, in my mind, right now I don't think it was very easy at the time.  Reading my old journals I can see how riddled with angst I was, how much of a hurry I was in to be older, my desire to run and hide and my great desire to be seen.  Wow, managing those emotions takes lots of tools and lots of LOVE.  One of my favorite adages is, "Youth is wasted on the Young." Not because I like that it's accurate but because it reminds me to stay youthful and to help my little ones revel in their youthfulness (as much as I can).  My little one will be 12 this year and I pray she finds peace and harmony with her inner self.   I hope every year is her favorite year and that youth isn't wasted on her.

    In the past, recent years even, I have felt capable yet not experienced enough to be grounded.  Fear was something that paralyzed me and didn't propel me in anyway.  I've had the fortune to be blessed with several strong and loving role models.  My support groups are vast and so immensely present and beautiful and with them I have learned to move forward even with and especially if fear is present.  This moving is called Courage.

    Prior to my fortieth I had the fortune to work with a life coach who truly SAW ME and HEARD ME and RESPONDED to me Holistically and Lovingly.  The week before my 40th she asked if I had any fear and I honestly didn't feel fear in any way.  This was new to me. There was no fear only excitement and the innate knowledge of POSSIBILITIES.  I explained to her that my twenties and thirties were confirmation of the promise of great prospects for my current NOW.  She went on to explain how in some cultures they don't even keep track after the formative years. The response about age is, "You are Many Years!"  That struck a cord and I decided at that moment to respect the decades of life experience I have been blessed with and to also let go of the hindrance of keeping track of years/ages.

     I AM MANY YEARS! Today, I celebrate now, open my arms wide to the universe, laugh, cry, sing, breathe and dance with my 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows!

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