Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What I Feel Is What I Oughta Feel

I dropped off my son at school this morning and his teachers gave me this trio of goodness.

I got a teapot invitation to a Mother's Day Brunch with my son and his class.  A bag of three flower cookies made by my son. A plant created from pinto beans that my son planted in school two weeks ago. How awesome is that!?!

I gave him a hug for all the gifts, said thank you to his teachers and went to my car.  When I put my car in drive I looked at these three simply and amazing expressions of love and it brought a smile and a tear.

I had to take a picture of it. 

I thought, "Wow it was only eight months ago I dropped him off at school and had to pause in the car for a moment to send him light and positive energy so he wouldn't feel such anxiety for me leaving."  The first week of school was okay cause he was only there for a couple of hours but the second week was tortuous, for the both of us.  My little boy is growing up and I'm growing up right along with him.  I said a silent prayer, took a few deep breathes, thanked the universe for this experience and awareness and began to drive.

As I approached the stop sign I turned on the radio which was connected to my iPod and "Amor Eterno" begins to play. At first I smiled, shook my head a bit from side to side and then had to pull over.  See the song is about a deep loss; an intense desire to not have lost a loved one who has closed their eyes and transitioned to the spirit world.  

The circle of life is a powerful and amazing roller coaster, a one of a kind experience for each of us.  My Abuelito, My Dear Grandfather, passed away earlier this year. I felt that loss deep in my soul.  I know he's Gone physically from our lives and I also know he lives in my heart, he lives in my soul.  The Truth is this awareness doesn't change the sense of loss, the heaviness of it.  I do stand in gratitude for gifts I have received.  I'm grateful my little boy got to meet my Abuelito and I'm even more grateful my grandfather got to meet me, the mom.  I cried like a baby. I have shed many tears over my grandfather's passing but there have been only two occasions, today and another one last month, that I have been able to sit in the sadness and allow it to help me heal the pain.  I know grandpa is with me, for that I am grateful. I know my son is growing and becoming more and more independent and for that I am melancholic and also grateful.

I cried, I acknowledged what I was feeling, honored it, and let it go.  Once I let it go I became aware this majestic expression of love and nature, it made brought me joy. The tree elicited a smile on my face and in my heart. See this tree's blossom only lasts about two weeks, if that.  The flowers are delicate and quite appealing;  they must be enjoyed and appreciated for the time they exist, they blossom, the go away, and they return. It's the circle of life.  Having compassion for myself and my emotions is huge part of my life's current purpose.  Today I thank Professor Rosenfield of Communications 101 at Queens College, over twenty years ago for articulating for me the concept of , "What I Feel Is What I Oughta Feel."

Love transcends all things.  Trust in the wonder and power of your dreams.

Thank you for reading and Sharing.

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Love exists and Life is a miracle, treat it all as such.
In possibility,

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